了解自己，是不是一个很可怕的能力？

以前的生活其实很简单，简单到每一个人都能清楚自己怀抱的梦想，自己所追求的热血。

被安排好的生活，被设定好的自律，简单的重复这走过的痕迹。

我是一个很懒惰很颓废的人。

面对不安，我选择逃避沉淀再遗忘，到最后说服自己事情已经过去了。

发生过的事情不会凭空消失，被遗留下来的痕迹会永远占据脑里回忆的容量。

总在挫败之后，习惯性地拨了一通电话。

me: Will you marry me if I ask you now?
he: Life getting uneasy to you now?
me: I'm tire, and I'm lost.
he: About your job hunting? Shall I start again? You couldn't focus on your dissertation at the moment is it? Wasting your time over youtube and facebook everyday although you are free. Am I right? The last time you ever said you wanna marry me was hmm... when you failed your subject. Talking about you screw everything, it wasn't your fault as everyone given the second chance failed it but you choose to blame yourself. This time for the reason of your proposal, it is because of no news from the corporate or NGOs? Do you know something, I somehow find out that you are an amazing person, since the day I met you, you never fail to get back onto your feet after every failure you go through. I am always here if you really want to marry me, but you know very well that you will never come to me. Baby, all you need is a little bit of time and a talk with your soul mate. Although I'm not very sure, but you sure have a back up plan and my instinct telling me that the plan of yours is to travel first and start all over again. Did I got you?
me: a little bit different this time. I thought of volunteering for elephants habitat at Thailand before I came out with the idea to marry you.

我，曾是个忧郁症患者，虽没被诊断，但那一年的我。。。

我依然处于逃避沉淀再遗忘的过程，却发现已经不管用了。

也许面对的时间到了。。。